Elizabeth and Claire
Christmas in Connecticut, early 90s: L to R, 1st row, Mom, Dad, Marian, Claire; 2nd row, Marsha, Elizabeth.
By Elizabeth, a participant from New Jersey
BONDS TO KEEP, LINKS TO BREAK
Claire and I grew up together in the post-war Philippines with our parents until I was 10, but we attended different elementary schools and had our own friends. When our twin half-sisters Marsha and Marian were born, Claire was conscripted to look after them, because that was the role of the oldest child in our culture. The years passed quickly as we each married, had children, children-in-law and grandchildren, and as the extended family relocated to the United States one after the other. Claire became a CPA in the Philippines and worked as an accountant in Connecticut. I became an economist and worked internationally. As an accountant, she was concerned with facts and precision; as an economist, I worked with concepts and assumptions. For many years, she did the tax returns of every taxpayer in our family, except mine. But when I was audited, she got a big kick out of my explanations which drove my examiner up the wall.
Claire does not make a big deal of issues and trusts the experts unconditionally. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago, she had the surgery, the radiation and the therapy promptly, without fuss, without a whimper. I headed for the books, searched the internet and interrogated my sister endlessly. In due time, she was taking notes at every doctor’s visit and reported back to me.
Despite differences in style, we share many philosophies and family values, chat and laugh every minute we spend together and present a united stand on most family tasks. By birthright she is the family matriarch, but it is a role not only evolved but also earned. My mother trusted her with the management of all her assets, but the four of us loved to accuse my mother of playing favorites, and I was often tagged as the lucky one by my sisters. I loved my mom because she had a childlike reaction that made me feel like a child, myself. During all the nights that I would lie next to her on her bed, I would tease her and describe to her my dream house which I expected her to share with me where I would retire as a professional gambler funded by her savings. Her response to all the mischief I concocted was to suggest that I move in with my sisters because living alone was obviously unhealthy for me.
I miss those idyllic days. We have very strong bonds - mother to daughter, sister to sister. Across our extended family are bonds of deep affection, but also links of serious affliction. My mother was also diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 80, and she survived without recurrence until age 94 when she succumbed suddenly to a heart condition. My stepfather died at age 85 of metastatic prostate cancer. Marsha was diagnosed with lung cancer when she was 47 and is a survivor at 58. We all have heart disease in some form or another, in various degrees.
Our wish is to keep the bonds that hold our family together, but to break the links of disease that threaten our lives. What, if anything, did Marian and I do differently from Claire and Marsha? How should our children and grandchildren tame their environment, diet, lifestyle, and other factors within their control to lead healthier lives? We look to the Sister Study’s breast cancer research for some answers and, to help in getting the answers, we volunteer.